Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
