I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
