i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
