like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
