I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
