i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
