the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your penis caused this!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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