So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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