It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
do herpes really smell.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
