Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
