She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He did a backflip because drugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
