Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
