I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
