I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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