we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
