Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
