Screwed.edu
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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