I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
