this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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