For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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