ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
