i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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