Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sorry about my life...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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