My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
