i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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