A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
