I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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