I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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