Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
