Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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