been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
