Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
