i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
