i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
