Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
