She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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