i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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