Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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