i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
