I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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