btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
