Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wear drunk well.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
