On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
