Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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