Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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