The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
