She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
