My hand turned me down
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
