I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
