So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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