apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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