is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
