If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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