You made me cry and you don't even care
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
