Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
